Lessons Learned While Bra Shopping

I may have mentioned this before, but I hate shopping for bras. 

 In fact, I hate shopping for them so much that I put it off as long as possible.  Like, for years—washing them on delicate, never putting them in the clothes dryer, using a pair of needle nose pliers to gently untwist the hooks—until the inevitable moment day when wires shoot out in every direction and\or the elastic simply dissolves like overchewed gum, and the only thing holding my cleavage higher than my belly button are a couple of overstressed straps,  sheer willpower, and frankly, my stomach.

 That day was approaching, and I finally decided that I could afford (or couldn’t afford not) to buy at least three new bras, both financially and emotionally.  I’ve been practicing both size- and self-acceptance for a while now, and I’d been saving up both cash and sanity points since the abortive attempt to try on bras a month or two ago.  It was time. 

 Plus, my husband took the kids to the zoo for a few precious hours, so I could go to the store, or stores,** and concentrate.  I figured I’d sail into Lane Bryant, start from the largest full-coverage they had, and go on logically from there.  In and out in an hour, max.

Right.

It took me three hours, two stores, and over twenty bras.  This was over two days ago, and I still have welts, scratches, and one puzzling bruise.

 I tell you, I had a righteous rant all written out, but after talking with my friend Grace, I decided to downshift,* and list the things I learned during those three hours of sheer bliss:

 1.       Do not start a new weight lifting course the day before you try on bras.  Especially a course called “Super Strength!” that adds about twenty more pounds on the bar for bicep curls and, for the very first time, machine seated rows*** at 80 pounds.  At minimum, if you fasten in the front and slide the placket to the back, you should be able to bring your hands to your waist and your shoulders without pain.  Repeatedly.

 2.      Don’t assume that the bras you have worn and loved for the past fifteen years are currently available in the same sizes, shapes, or colors.  Cacique Full-Coverage bras now top out in my local store at the size of my old bras—the ones that only still fit because the elastic went to its well-earned reward a while back.  The company does offer one more sizeonline, which extends the band by two inches . . .Wow.  But I can see why you don’t bother to stock that single additional size in your stores . . . you need room for all the plunge bras.^

 3.  Relax, go slow, take your time.  If you try to rush things, you could hurt yourself yanking the straps on and off—not to mention sawing yourself in half with the bands.

4.      There is no fault here.  It is not your fault if certain bras (or any of them) don’t fit your body the exact way that you want them to.  The corollary: it’s not necessarily the designer’s fault that s/he couldn’t make one style fit everyone, or that this style doesn’t fit you—no one owns the Universal Pair, not even you, and other people need bras, too.  Again, not a fault thing, just the way it is.   

However, stores have no good excuse for not offering a large range of sizes in all store-associated styles and carrying these in store locations.^^

5.  Compromise is okay, but don’t settle for a bra just because it doesn’t cause actual pain.  If you need to wear a bra for support, and there is no visual difference between the bra you are testing and flopping free, than there is no point to buying that particular bra. 

6.      Your therapist was right when he suggested you sit down and breathe for a while when things go bad.

 7.  Don’t get stuck on past cup sizes.  If you’re used to being the biggest, it might not occur to you that the reason those D cups have those strange wrinkles across the front is that you need to go a cup down.  There is no shame—or victory—in this.  Often, there’s just something different about that style of bra.^^^ 

 8. Apologize to the store clerk for your temper tantrum even if you are terminally embarrassed about crying and kicking the dressing room wall.  She has to buy bras, too, and will probably understand—and sometimes she’ll find discounts you didn’t know were available.

 I did eventually find two styles of slightly padded, underwired bras that are comfortable and keep things elevated to my liking.  I bought three of each in assorted colors.

 Because, hard-won learning experience or not, I won’t be doing this again anytime soon.

 ___

*I don’t shop online for bras, and won’t until the last store sizes me out.  Measurement charts are only a starting place and have little to do with how my personal arrangement will fit into the cups of a bra I haven’t personally tried.  Besides, I keep most of my patience for my children and my job, and I don’t want to wait another week, or two, or three, for something that might need to be sent back.  I’ll do this for swimsuits, blouses, pants, and socks, but not bras.  Or shoes . . . but that’s another rant.

 **Grace’s line:  “You can do that?  Since when?”

 ***Like this.  Doesn’t look like much, but hoo, boy, that sucker works your deltoids.  The deltoids control arm movement . . . or not, depending on what you’ve been doing to them.

 ^ Whoever sends merchandise to my local Lane Bryant appears to have a major thing for plunge bras.  As in, three wall displays and two standing racks (so to speak) full of these things.  The salesclerk told me that few people are buying those at that store, yet they keep arriving.  Please pay more attention to customer preferences at each location—or at least in each region—and worry less about how to cover your ordering mistake.

 ^^I am willing to make an exception for the Victoria Secret signature diamond bra, which is more or less a low-slung necklace with pockets.  Otherwise, no exceptions for Miss Vicki.  The snob.

 ^^^Or, in my experience, you’ve birthed and breastfed two babies within six years and yo-yo dieted for twenty.  You know, the usual.

Tags: body acceptance, bras, self-acceptance, self-esteem, shopping